Rob’s Top 3 Jobs He Would LOVE (If Pay and Training Weren’t a Factor)

While most kids go through their childhoods having somewhat “unrealistic” career goals and desires for when “they grow-up” (such as wanting to be: an astronaut, a knight or even Trunks from Dragon Ball Z.  Yes, I distinctly remember hearing some kid say that he’s going to grow up to be Trunks), I’ve always wanted to work in the art/design field from an early age.  Perhaps, this has more to do with the fact that I’m kind of stupid in regards to every other subject (including writing, ironically); but I never wanted to do anything else until I got into the design field and found out how absolutely abhorring it is catering to the public that has no clue about how any aspect of design and pre-press works.

Because of this I’ve become incredibly jaded and catch myself looking at various people in admiration because they seem to have interesting jobs, albeit sort of low on society’s scale (such as: the produce man at the grocery store.  But know this, the man makes bank thanks to the unionization of most grocery chains).

I decided to compile a list of dream jobs that I would absolutely love to have, but feel deterred from trying due to lack of training or seemingly low pay.

Get back, hoe!

3) Backhoe Driver – I love industrial ride-on equipment.  I used to ride a forklift around for near entire shifts back in my early 20′s when I was working a warehouse job. I chose backhoe, since it seems to have the best skill level for me.  There’s a bit more to it than there is from just driving a bulldozer into a mound of gravel, but at the same time it’s not like a crane with such complex controls that you need to be so sober that your tight to operate it.  The backhoe is part bulldozer, part  crane armed shovel thing giving me the perfect mix of something to do while drunk/high without being so intense that I wouldn’t want operate it while faded.  I imagine using one of these would also be like playing a video game in real life all fricking day.

Riding... My pony.

2) Paniolo (Hawaiian Cowboy) – Back in 2005 I visited a ranch in Maui and got to see a sort of mini-museum dedicated to the paniolos of Hawaii.  Paniolos were originally Mexican and Californian cowboys/vaqueros sent to Hawaii in the mid-1800s to help develop Hawaii’s new found cattle industry and help curb the wild cattle population as they were destroying the islands’ natural vegetation at an alarming rate.  Hilariously but unsurprisingly, it was this rapid growth in Hawaii’s beef industry that began to raise the rate of obesity and lower the quality of health in the Hawaii people (who were originally quite fit from eating mostly tropical plants and fish).  The job of paniolo seems so desirable to me mostly due to the position’s location.  I mean, I love Hawaii.  My family’s from there and it’s quite possibly one of the few places where a slacking goofball like me could still get ahead, despite a questionable work ethic.  I also really like the romanticized cowboy and the Western/Frontier era second to the Sengoku Period (Japan’s warring states era).

Now that's the Monterey Park Spirit!

1) Monterey Park Spirit Bus Driver (Route 2/4 Loop) – If there ever was a job for a pedofork that loves just bullshitting with people, the Spirit Bus driver is it.  The Spirit Bus is Monterey Park’s municipal bus system that gives you access to city hall (at the heart of the city) from nearly any point in the city (and back) for the insane fare of 25 cents per trip.  The routes are set up so that Route 1 will turn to Route 3 on its return to city hall (and vice versa) and Route 2 turning to Route 4 at city hall (and also vice versa) with all 4 loops making intertwined figure 8s.  The way the bus is set up is pure genius and proof that the people who run FOBtown (Monterey Park) once had half a brain.  While most of the Spirit Bus clientele are FOBs of all ages, Route 2 and 4 have a special client treat.  The beginning of Route 4 passes right by Mark Keppel High School and is actually preferred to the school bus by many students (giving me super incentive to head home early on the bus) and I’m sure you all know why I would enjoy that.  Route 2 passes along ELAC’s (East Los Angeles College’s) campus mid-route, so I often catch a hot group of young girls I can date (legally) while visiting the Gamestop, Carl’s Jr, or Yoshinoya in nearby Atlantic Square.

You Too Can Be a Dick In a Straw Hat

I found this ad on my facebook sidebar this morning…  I found it funny because of who I am.  So I can only assume that the google adwords feelers see my druggy posts and totally miss the context.

The "oh shit" look on that kid's face is gold.

Though the funniest part about this all is the picture they used for this ad.  I mean, it sort of takes all the prestige and allure out of the job when they show guys busting 95 lb weaklings.   “Join the exciting field of law enforcement where you can punk androgynous looking kids around at various college campuses…”

 

Like They Weren’t Even There

Just announced? That's why you were taking pre-orders on it as of last month.

I know that this is just poorly worded, but I really did have to take a jab at this.  And I also get Nintendo had that crazy press conference yesterday where they talked about Street Walker mode or whatever.  But seriously, this makes it seem as if Gamestop totally forgot about E3 and even last 6 months…

Though, I guess the idiots that are dumb enough to subscribe to the Gamestop newsletter and actually use it as a source to find out about upcoming games could easily be fooled into thinking that the arrival of the 3DS was just announced.

Is This Really Necessary?

For the last couple days I’ve been getting a 7-11 coffee after lunch.  Mostly because it’s been freezing cold even during the early afternoon, but also because their coffee is 99 cents from noon to midnight.  I normally ignore the fancy gourmet creamers and other weird add ons that they offer there, since I just like to add a couple hits of sugar to my coffee.  However, I saw something in the creamer bin with a warning message on it.  This immediately piqued my interest.

Black Coffee Shot WARNING: HIGH CAFFEINE

STOK (pronounced: stoke) is basically a shot of espresso worth of caffeine for you to add to your coffee.  While I know that there’s a huge energy drink/legal speed crowd out there in the world (and especially in the US), but is this seriously necessary?!  I mean, are people really doing that much that they feel the need to add extra caffeine to their caffeinated beverages?  And if so, maybe it’s time for these folks to just breakdown and develop an amphetamine habit.

Either way, I can’t imagine what type of people would use these on a daily basis (but the clerk at the 7-11 told me that there are quite a few regular customers that do add this to their daily cup of joe).  At best I can see this being used as a one time thing like if you need to drive another few more hours on a late night road trip and are slowly succumbing to drowsiness.  In many regards I’m kind of afraid to try this stuff just once even for a review/my thoughts on this.  This shit really seems dangerous…

Double Stacking Ads

This has probably been going on for awhile now; however, I don’t watch much TV aside for Saved by the Bell as I’m getting ready for work.  I recently stumbled upon an ad that was pretty weird.  In fact, it was technically 2 ads in one, since TBS was using the black bars that normally sit on the edge of the screen when an SDTV show is being broadcast through their HD channel.

So not only are they trying to sell me Tide, TBS is also mentioning their new Conan O'Brien show as well...

I find this really bizarre, since it’s like were now a few steps closer to those stupid dystopian societies from the movies where its people are constantly bombarded by advertisement.  I mean, when will this trying to sell us stuff stop?  Pretty soon the networks are going to try to display advertisements during the show and…  Oh wait, they already kind of do with those weird pop-ups.

Billy the Exterminator’s Special Guest

I was watching the newest episodes of Billy the Exterminator on A&E’s website the other night and I saw something pretty neat  (pretty neat to me, at least).  Apparently, one of Billy’s clients had spotted an albino raccoon and was very concerned for its safety, since they most albino animals are killed very quickly in the wild.

When Billy’s client went to show him a picture of the raccoon, I was pretty shocked as to what the client used to snap the photo.

 

I think the actual resolution on the DSi's camera is actually worse than a cell phone made a few years ago.

 

I don’t know why I’m so fascinated with the fact that some frumpy lady in Louisiana took a picture of a raccoon with a DSi XL.  Perhaps, it’s the fact that I don’t know who would use the DSi’s camera as opposed to a cell phone camera or standard digital camera (well, I do know one person that would, but I think it was more a schematic thing in trying to send me a picture with what tech we all had).  But then again it might have been the only thing she had on hand to take a picture with, since I’m sure that raccoon wasn’t going to hangout all night waiting for her to get a proper camera.

 

Billy's probably thinking the same thing I was... "You took a picture with a Gameboy?" However, I'm sure we'd be asking that question for different reasons.

 

Either way, it kind of makes me smile to see the DS making its way into the hands of the general public.  Especially since this woman didn’t seem like the stereotypical gamer (though she could just be using that DS to play Cooking Mama or Clubhouse Games).

When Bad Design Goes Corporate

So recently, fashion mega outlet, Gap drew heavy criticism in the wake of changing their classic corporate logo.  While I do realize that the brand isn’t what they were a few years ago, this was seriously a dumb way of changing things up for them.  The Gap logo is quite iconic and stands out as a very recognizable piece of American culture.  Whether you love or hate the store, seeing that navy blue box with the stretched serif font immediately brings to mind that store in the mall with the large windows and khaki pants.

 

Solid, simple, classic...

 

And not only was revamping the Gap logo a stupid move in general, but what they decided to replace it with was an out right joke.

 

This is what happens when you hire a 5 year old to do your design work.

 

Does anyone else here notice a blatant discrepancy in the quality of design between the two?  I mean, the new logo looks completely amateur.  It looks like something a child would come up with if you described the Gap logo to them.

“It has the letters G-A-P on a blue box.”

Worst yet, you need to consider that Gap probably paid some designer tons of money to come up with this.  Which has me thinking that I’m working for the wrong design company, since that firm just robbed Gap…