While most kids go through their childhoods having somewhat “unrealistic” career goals and desires for when “they grow-up” (such as wanting to be: an astronaut, a knight or even Trunks from Dragon Ball Z. Yes, I distinctly remember hearing some kid say that he’s going to grow up to be Trunks), I’ve always wanted to work in the art/design field from an early age. Perhaps, this has more to do with the fact that I’m kind of stupid in regards to every other subject (including writing, ironically); but I never wanted to do anything else until I got into the design field and found out how absolutely abhorring it is catering to the public that has no clue about how any aspect of design and pre-press works.
Because of this I’ve become incredibly jaded and catch myself looking at various people in admiration because they seem to have interesting jobs, albeit sort of low on society’s scale (such as: the produce man at the grocery store. But know this, the man makes bank thanks to the unionization of most grocery chains).
I decided to compile a list of dream jobs that I would absolutely love to have, but feel deterred from trying due to lack of training or seemingly low pay.
3) Backhoe Driver – I love industrial ride-on equipment. I used to ride a forklift around for near entire shifts back in my early 20′s when I was working a warehouse job. I chose backhoe, since it seems to have the best skill level for me. There’s a bit more to it than there is from just driving a bulldozer into a mound of gravel, but at the same time it’s not like a crane with such complex controls that you need to be so sober that your tight to operate it. The backhoe is part bulldozer, part crane armed shovel thing giving me the perfect mix of something to do while drunk/high without being so intense that I wouldn’t want operate it while faded. I imagine using one of these would also be like playing a video game in real life all fricking day.
2) Paniolo (Hawaiian Cowboy) – Back in 2005 I visited a ranch in Maui and got to see a sort of mini-museum dedicated to the paniolos of Hawaii. Paniolos were originally Mexican and Californian cowboys/vaqueros sent to Hawaii in the mid-1800s to help develop Hawaii’s new found cattle industry and help curb the wild cattle population as they were destroying the islands’ natural vegetation at an alarming rate. Hilariously but unsurprisingly, it was this rapid growth in Hawaii’s beef industry that began to raise the rate of obesity and lower the quality of health in the Hawaii people (who were originally quite fit from eating mostly tropical plants and fish). The job of paniolo seems so desirable to me mostly due to the position’s location. I mean, I love Hawaii. My family’s from there and it’s quite possibly one of the few places where a slacking goofball like me could still get ahead, despite a questionable work ethic. I also really like the romanticized cowboy and the Western/Frontier era second to the Sengoku Period (Japan’s warring states era).
1) Monterey Park Spirit Bus Driver (Route 2/4 Loop) – If there ever was a job for a pedofork that loves just bullshitting with people, the Spirit Bus driver is it. The Spirit Bus is Monterey Park’s municipal bus system that gives you access to city hall (at the heart of the city) from nearly any point in the city (and back) for the insane fare of 25 cents per trip. The routes are set up so that Route 1 will turn to Route 3 on its return to city hall (and vice versa) and Route 2 turning to Route 4 at city hall (and also vice versa) with all 4 loops making intertwined figure 8s. The way the bus is set up is pure genius and proof that the people who run FOBtown (Monterey Park) once had half a brain. While most of the Spirit Bus clientele are FOBs of all ages, Route 2 and 4 have a special client treat. The beginning of Route 4 passes right by Mark Keppel High School and is actually preferred to the school bus by many students (giving me super incentive to head home early on the bus) and I’m sure you all know why I would enjoy that. Route 2 passes along ELAC’s (East Los Angeles College’s) campus mid-route, so I often catch a hot group of young girls I can date (legally) while visiting the Gamestop, Carl’s Jr, or Yoshinoya in nearby Atlantic Square.